Always Back to You
by OuToFmYmInDbAcKiN5MiNuTeS
Summary: Carlos and James don't really have a relationship. It's just physical and that's it until one night James slips up. Carlos can't help but want more either. He just isn't sure if he can really trust James fully. Will he be able to forgive James for his mistakes? Forgive and Forget right? It's easier said than done.
1. Chapter 1: Always Him

**Always Back to You**

**Chapter 1: Always Him**

I slowly made my way to our bedroom. He was expecting me. This always happened when we had the apartment to ourselves. It was nothing new to him or me. Everyone would leave and this would happen. I don't know why I was so drawn to him. I always came back to him for some reason. At this point, I needed him. I will admit I had somehow fallen in love with him. I stopped outside of our room. He was in there waiting for me. I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. The door open and there he was wearing nothing but a towel, meaning he had just finished showering.

"I figured you'd be coming by soon," he said cockily. I nodded my head. He knew me too well.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"It's your room too," he said and stepped aside. I walked last him. He closed the door behind me. I turned around and his lips were on mine before I could even say a word. That's how it was with us. We didn't need to say anything to need to know what the other wanted. I swiped my tongue out and traced his lips. He pulled back and looked at me.

"Eager are we?" he asked. I nodded and pulled him down for another kiss. He obliged by opening his mouth this time. Our tongues fought for dominance and he won as always. I was submissive, I knew that, and he did too. He put his hands around my waist, grabbed my ass, and lifted me up. He carried me over to his bed and laid me down. I was already breathing hard and all we did was kiss.

"Please," I said softly. I need him like a drug addict need drugs. Hell, he was my drug. I would be lost without him.

"Anxious?" he asked. I nodded again. I needed him.

"Stop teasing me," I pleaded. He just stood there above me.

"I wanna try something different," he said. I looked up at him confused. "Don't worry I'll still fuck you," he said smirking at me. I sat up and looked up at him. I didn't know what to expect with him sometimes. He always had me on the edge, whether it was sex or secretly feeling me up at the studio. He was always finding way to make things interesting.

"What?" I asked getting impatient.

"Stand up," he ordered. I did as I was told. He sat down and looked at me. He was thinking I could tell. I hated that look so much. That look had gotten us into to trouble so many times, and times like now were not when we needed it.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked. My pants were already getting a little too tight for my liking. He smirked. He knew how turned on I was. He loved playing with me like this. The sadistic bastard.

"Strip," he said as he grabbed his iPod, hooked it up to our iHome and started playing music.

"You're kidding," I said. He shook his head.

"Come on dance or leave," he said pointing to the door. I had ways wanted to do a strip tease but now that I had the chance, I didn't want to. I had to if I wanted him to fuck me into the mattress. So I did. I didn't have a choice. I started swaying my hips to the music and walked over him. I straddled his lap and he pushed my shirt up as I swayed to the music. I rocked my hips against his causing him to gasp and moan slightly. I decided to be cruel and I stood up I slowly took my shirt off and tossed it aside. I got a little more courageous. I undid my pants but left them to hang on my hips. I looked to my audience. He was staring at me with lust-clouded eyes. I moved with in his reach and he grabbed my waist and pulled me close.

"I can't dance if you won't let me," I said grinning as he pulled my pants down. I wiggled out of his grasp and stumbled backward but somehow managed to stay on my feet. I kicked my pants off and now all that was left were my boxers. The song changed to an even faster one. I took advantage of this and started dancing faster. I swayed my hips to the beat. I kept my eyes trained on him. I watched him lick his lips as he tried to control himself.

I stopped and bent over so my ass was facing him and I slowly took my boxers off. I hissed as the cold air hit my cock. I gasped when a pair of hands pulled me up and backwards. We stood there for a moment. I felt his erection pressed against me. I loved the feel of it. I wished it was in my ass, but we'll get there, soon hopefully.

"Tell me Carlitos what you want me to do to you?" he whispered huskily in my ear as he grabbed my cock. I gasped and all coherent thought left me momentarily. He noticed this and smirked that evil smirk of his returned. "Well Carlos tell me or I'll stop," his grip on my cock loosened.

"Fuck me," I whimpered.

"I'm sorry what was that," he said.

"I want you to fuck me," I said louder aging some confidence.

"I wanna hear you beg," he said. I bit my lip as he squeezed my cock.

"Please, fuck me," I pleaded. He shook his head and squeezed my cock again and that was when I felt a finger press against my entrance. He was teasing me and he was enjoying every minute of it. The sadistic bastard.

"Try again Carlitos," he said.

"God damn it just shove your cock inside me already," I all but yelled. I was so glad we were home alone. I didn't want the others hearing me like this. I didn't want them to think any less of me. I knew what happened in this room would stay in this room.

"Almost there," He cooed. He brought his hand up from my ass to my mouth. "Suck," he ordered. I did. I wanted him inside me so badly. After he deemed his fingers ready, he put them back down by my ass. "Now beg," he said.

"FUCK! JAMES QUIT FUCKING TEASING AND JUST FUCK ME SENSELESS ALREADY," I yelled. He smirked and I knew he had heard what he wanted to hear. I was glad because I was about ready to beat him.

"Your wish is my command," he said. He pushed on finger inside me. I gasped and moaned at the feeling. He added a second and third finger rather quickly. Soon I was moaning and thrusting back onto his hand. He crooked his finger slightly and found my prostate. I moaned as a sea of stars swam before me. He pulled his fingers out and pushed me down onto my back on his bed. He climbed over me and lifted my legs on to his shoulders.

"No me jodas, James," I purred. I had used that phrase enough that James knew exactly what it meant.

"Gladly," he said. He placed his cock at my entrance. My breath hitched in anticipation. He looked down at me. I nodded and one of my legs fell from his shoulder to his waist. I smirked as I pull him closer and he thrust in. My back arched off the bed and I moaned. My other leg fell to his waist as well. I wrapped my legs around him.

"Move," I said. He slowly pulled out only to slam right back in. He quickly set a pace. Soon I was right in time with him. I had waited a week for this. I don't know how this happened but every time we were home, alone I ended up here with him. Underneath him moaning. He changed the angle of his thrusts and hit my potsherd dead on. My back arched completely off the bed and into him. I gasped as he pinched one of my nipples. He leaned down and kissed the sensitive spot on my neck that he knew drove me crazy. "I-uhgn-James-I'm gonna," I moaned. He was the only one who did this to me.

"Call me Jamie," he whispered in my ear.

"Jamie," I moaned. Our thrusts started to quicken as or releases grew near. I felt my release very near.

"Come for me Carlitos," he whispered in my ear. I came after crying his name. I felt him come seconds later. He pulled out and collapsed beside me. I knew I had to move to my bed now; it was part of our unspoken deal. We'd fuck than I'd move or he would if we were on my bed. It was just what we did.

Then he did something I had not expected. He pulled the blankets over us and wrapped his arms around me. He nuzzled my neck sleepily and said, "I love you Carlos."

My heart skipped a beat did he just say that? Did he mean it? I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. "I love you too James," I said. He smiled and kissed me. Maybe, just maybe something could become of this. I'd have to wait and see how things were in the morning. This was him talking after sex. I don't know if he's still feel that way after coming down from his high or not, but right now I did not care. We were together and that's all that mattered.

**I've been in a funk these last few days and I found this is a fic again. I posted it awhile awhile ago, but took down because I didn't know where it was going or what to do with it. I have an idea now and I am ready to repost it. I hope you guys enjoy this. This is my second attempt at a Jarlos based fic. I hope you all like it. Review and let me know what you think. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


	2. Chapter 2: The Next Morning

**I would like to thank,** _CHEW-A-STRAW, AkireAlev, Rena. Robacki, nigelbtrlover21, Verified, annabellex2, and lilygirl42001 _**for taking the extra time to review. **

**Chapter 2: The Next Morning**

The next morning I woke up fully relaxed and alone. I sat up and noticed I was still in James' bed. James was nowhere to be seen. I shouldn't have expected anything less form him. James never hung around the morning after we had sex. He always went out for a morning jog or to the gym or did something just to get out of the apartment and not see me in the morning. I was used to it by now. It was part of the routine we had built over the last few months. I knew better than to expect him to be here, sure he had said he loved me, but that was probably just a heat of the moment thing. I needed to talk to him and figure things out.

I got out of bed and made my way into the bathroom that joined our room with Kendall and Logan's room. I locked both door and took a shower. I did not need any of the guys walking in on me. I quickly shower and brushed my teeth I left the bathroom after unlocking both doors and got dressed.

I didn't know where James was but I needed to talk to him about what he said last night. I needed to know if he had meant what he had said. I knew I meant what I had said. I loved James with all my heart. I don't know when or how but I had fallen head over heels in love with him. I only just recently realized my love for him too. It started after our little late night adventures started. It was because of those times I realized my attraction to guys, and it was because of James that I realized he was the only guy for me. I didn't look at other guys anymore. None of them were like James. James was perfect and I was drawn to him. I had never felt this way before it was crazy. I was in love with my best friend and I was sure he had no idea. I don't know if he had even heard what I had said.

I didn't know about how James felt though and that drove me crazier than anything. He was like a closed book to me. I could not read him at all. Last night when he said he loved me that was the closest I got to hearing how he felt. I don't even know if he meant it. James was just a hard person to read and I hated that. I mean I have known him almost my whole life and I can't read him worth shit. Kendall can and I hate him for that. Kendall can tell what's on James' mind when no one can and that really bugged me. I wanted to be the guys that could read James.

I shook my head and sighed. I walked out to the living room. I saw Kendall and Logan sitting on the couch. They were sitting side by side holding hands and talking to one another quietly. They were happily dating and had been for almost six months now. I envied them. They had what I wanted so badly. I wanted love and hated them for that. I did not hate my friends no, I love them. I just hated that they were happy together while I had no one. I wanted to be able to say that I was dating James and hold his hand and kiss him freely and not in the confines of our room. No one knew about James and I. No one knew how I felt about the 'face' of Big Time Rush.

"Morning Carlos," Logan said smiling at me. I looked over at him and saw he was looking at me and Kendall was looking at me as well.

"Morning Logan, morning Kendall," I said smiling at them. Kendall nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Where's James?" I asked looking around for him.

"I think he went to the gym," Kendall said slowly. I nodded my head. I really shouldn't have expected anything less from James. He never hung around the morning after, what would make today any different. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I wanted to run out to go find James, but I couldn't. That would make Kendall and Logan suspicious. I didn't want that. I still didn't know where James stood on all of this. I didn't if he really truly meant what he had said last night.

"So what did you do last night Carlos?" Logan asked getting up from the couch and walking over to me.

"Nothing much," I said, "just hung out here with James," I said shrugging. It wasn't a complete lie. I had spent time with James, just not the way they thought. No one knew what happened behind closed doors. No one knew what James and I did when we were alone.

"Sorry for just abandoning you guys last night," Logan said, "but Kendall got us into to an early preview of the new exhibit at the museum," he said. I knew what he was talking about. There was this new exhibit at the museum that was opening soon and they were showing previews and Logan really wanted to go. I was just surprised that Kendall went. I knew he didn't like that kind of thing, but then again love made you do crazy things. I knew I would do anything for James, even lie about what we did.

"It's ok," I said smiling, "you and Kendall are dating now and I'll get used to it," I said.

"Carlos, do Kendall and I make you uncomfortable?" Logan asked worriedly.

"No, I am excited you guys are together and in love, but I want that too," I said looking down at my hands. "I want someone to love me," I said.

"You'll find someone," Logan said walking over to me and sitting down next to me.

"Yeah there's someone out there for everyone Carlos," Kendall said. I looked up and saw he was sitting across from me. I hadn't heard him come over.

"I know," I said looking down at my bowl of cereal.

"You'll find love," Logan said placing an arm around me in a hug.

"He's right," Kendall said, "I mean Logan and I found each other and we weren't even looking," he said. I laughed and shook my head. I had heard the story of how they realized they were in love so many times. It was funny if you ask me.

"So who is it?" Logan asked.

"What?" I asked turning to look at Logan.

"Who is it that's got you so upset," Logan asked, "there has to be someone you're crushing on," he said.

"Is it the Jennifers?" Kendall asked. I shook my head and stood up.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said grabbing my bowl and putting it in the sink. "I think I need to go for a walk," I said.

"Carlos," Logan said.

"It's not important," I said, "I'll deal with it." With that said, I left the apartment. I didn't want to be interrogated any more. I knew if they pushed hard enough I would break down and tell them everything. I didn't want them knowing just yet. I decided to go and see if James was in the gym. I made my way to the gym with one thing on my mind. I needed to talk to James and make him tell me how he feels. I needed to know so I could either move on or actually go on a date with him. I reached the gym and walked in. I saw only one person was here and he was just the person I was looking for.

James was on the treadmill with his headphones in listening to music. I slowly walked over to him admiring his body as I walked. I loved the way he looked. He was like a Greek god. He was perfect in everyway and I almost drooled over him. He was all sweaty and panting like he had been last night. I felt myself stiffen at that. I couldn't get enough of James whether he was dressed or not. I just loved the way he looked. He could be naked or wearing baggy clothes and I'd be turned on either way. That was how much affect he had on me. It was sad how much he affected me really. I never could get enough of him, and I don't know what I would do if he rejected me. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know if I could handle a rejection from him.

No, I was not going to think about that. No I came here to get an answer and I was going to get it damn it. I wanted to know how James really felt about me and I was not leaving until he told me. I walked over to the treadmill and stood in front of James. James looked down at me, slowed his run to a walk, and took his headphones out of his ears.

"Hey Carlos," he said smiling slightly at me. He was always like this. It was like we had never had sex. He was great at pretending nothing happened. I don't know how he did it, but I was horrible at it. The days after we had sex, I would avoid everyone and they'd wonder what was wrong with me. I would assure them it was nothing and they'd forget about it when I got back to normal.

How could James be so calm? Did he not remember what he said? Did he even care about it? Did love mean anything to him? I just needed to know how he really felt. It was now or never. I had to do this now or I wouldn't ever do it. There was no turning back now.

"Carlos," he said getting my attention. I looked up at him. "What do you want I am kind of busy," he said.

"We need to talk," I said calmly. I clasped my hands to get to keep from fidgeting. I was so nervous. I just needed to know once and for all.

"About what?" James asked.

"Last night, what you said," I said looking up at him. I needed to know how he really felt.

"And what did I say?" James asked looking down at me as he continued to walk on the treadmill.

"You said you loved me," I said looking at him. James' eyes went wide before he spoke.

"I did, didn't I?" he said more to himself than to me.

"Did you mean it?" I asked wanting to know.

"Look Carlos," James said getting off the treadmill. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't know what he was going to say. I was scared of what he was about to say. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I really hoped he wasn't going to reject me. That was my biggest fear. I hoped that he hadn't just said that in the heat of the moment. James placed his hand on my shoulder. "Carlos," he tried again.

"Yes," I said looking into his hazel eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. They were just so perfect. I love them and everything about him. I loved him and I was hoping he loved me. I wanted him to say it again. It would mean the world to me. I just wanted to hear him say it again.

"I-I," James stammered. He seemed unsure of what to say.

"You," I supplied him. James sighed and placed his other hand on my neck before he pulled me to him in a kiss. I reacted quickly by moving my lips with his. I felt his tongue swipe along my bottom lip and I parted my lips for his tongue. I let him thrust his tongue into my mouth. This wasn't unusual for us. He was in charge. He moved his tongue to all my sweet spots and I moaned. He seemed to like that. I felt his hands on my hips as he pulled me closer to him.

I hoped this was his way of telling me he loved me. I knew this had to be it. He was finally going to admit he liked me and we would start dating. That was what I wanted more than anything right now. I wanted to be able to tell the world that I was taken. I wanted to tell people that I was with James. I wanted the world to know that we were in love.

James pulled back to look me in the eyes for a moment before he dove right back in. He pressed his lips to mine and flicked his tongue against mine. I knew he was inviting me to play and I took the bait. I thrust my tongue forward into his mouth and quickly found his sweet spots. I had memorized them a long time ago. James moaned as my tongue moved in sync with his.

Suddenly James pushed me away and looked at me scared. We looked at one another for a moment. I didn't know what was going on. One minute we were making out and the next he was pushing me away. I looked at him confused and scared. I didn't know what to think right now.

"No, I-I can't," James said shaking his head. I felt my heart shatter at that. "Carlos I'm sorry," he said before he turned and left. I stood there staring at the door wondering what the hell had just happened. I almost had him and then he changed his mind. I didn't know what to think. I felt a few tears slid down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, left the gym, and headed back to the apartment. I didn't know where James was going, but I didn't care. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I walked into the apartment and saw Kendall, Logan, and Katie sitting on the couch watching a movie. They all turned to look at me when I walked in. They all saw the hurt look I was sure was on my face, and I was sure they saw the tears as well. I knew I was crying. I had just had my heart broken; of course, I was going to cry.

"Carlos," Logan said jumping up. I shook my head and ran to mine and James' room. I locked the door behind me. "Carlos," Logan said knocking on my door.

"What happened," Kendall asked.

"Go away," I hollered. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone. They stopped knocking and left. I was glad for that. I just didn't want to talk. I don't know what happened to James or why he ran like that. I was sure he was going to tell me what I wanted to hear, but then he pushed me away. I didn't know what to think. I just wrapped my arms around myself and let my tears fall freely.

**So here's chapter 2. I hope you all like it. So as of right now I have a limted amount of time on my laptop. It's a long story but I only get about an hour to two hours a day. I will work hard to update regularly, but I make no promises. I always promise and I can't keep them. I will try my hardest though. So yeah, review and let me know what you think. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


	3. Chapter 3: Say How You Feel

**I would like to thank,**_ LoveSparkle, Rena. Robacki, Dana2184, DeniseDEMD, annabellex2, lilygirl42001, and AkireAlev _**for taking the extra time to review. **

**Chapter 3: Say How You Feel**

The next couple days after that were the hardest thing for me. I couldn't keep James out of our room. It was his room too, after all. I just didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. We just avoided one another like the plague. Kendall and Logan noticed this and questioned us both. I never answer them. I always dodged the questions and I am sure James did as well. We hadn't talked to one another unless it was about the band. James and I avoided each other at all costs. I didn't want to talk to him and he sure as hell didn't want to talk to me. I knew I had messed everything up now. I just hoped the band wouldn't suffer because of this.

It was late at night and I was sitting alone in the living room. Kendall and Logan were god knows where and Katie was in her room. Mrs. Knight had already gone to bed. I didn't know where James was, just that he went out. I only knew because Mrs. Knight stopped him and asked him and he said he was going out for a date. I was all alone and left to my thoughts. I sighed as my thoughts turned to James. They always turned to James eventually. Now every time I thought about him my heart hurt. It hurt so bad that he had rejected me. I hadn't said the words, but I had put myself out there for him and he pushed me away. I don't know why I even bothered trying to talk to him. I should have known there was nothing more to us than sex. I was a stress reliever to him. That was how this had all started anyways. I couldn't believe he was out on a date right now. He was such a jerk. He probably didn't care about me at all anymore.

It had all happened on our tour for our second album and we had gone over seas. The incident with James had happened when we got back into the states. We had been in Florida when it happened. That was months ago now. James and I had been alone in the hotel room while Kendall and Logan were out having fun. Now that I think about it that was around the time they got together. Anyways James and I were alone in the hotel room and we got bored and started watching movies.

_"This is lame," James said after watching yet another lame movie. There was no good movies on and we had nothing to do._

_"Well you could've always gone out with Kendall and Logan," I said looking over at him. We were sharing a hotel room with our two best friends. There was only two beds and James and I were sharing one and Kendall and Logan shared the other._

_"Yeah, I could've but I didn't," James said._

_"Why didn't you?" I asked._

_"Didn't want you to be here all alone and bored," James said._

_"Oh how sweet of you," I said sarcastically. James laughed and nudged me playfully in the side. He didn't know the reason I had stayed behind was to take care of my sexual frustration. We had been on the road for a month and I hadn't had anytime to take care of those needs in so long. I didn't want to tell James that though. So I'd just have to do it another day._

_"These movies are lame," James said._

_"What do you wanna watch then?" I asked. James shrugged and grabbed the remote and started to flip through the channels. James then seemed to get an idea. He turned to the pay-preview movies. We looked at all the regular moves and we had seen them all. "We've seen these already," I said._

_"I know," James sighed. He then went to the adult movies and cast me a sideways glance._

_"No I am not watching porn with you," I said._

_"Why not it could be fun," James said smiling mischievously, "I mean some of them are funny," he said. After a little arguing we settled on a parody porn. It was stupid and funny with lots of sex. I tried not to get turned on, but I did. I tried to hide it from James but it was no good. James seemed to notice. "Is little Carlitos turned on?" James asked me playfully. I bit my lip and turned away form him._

_"No," I lied._

_"Liar," James said smirking at me. I looked him over and noticed the bulge in his jeans as well._

_"Looks like I'm not the only one," I said somewhat confidently. James smirked and leaned over so his mouth was by my ear._

_"I can help you with that," James offered. I shivered as his breath ghosted over my ear. It went straight to my crotch. I swallowed and opened my mouth to speak but the words died in my throat when I felt James' lips on my neck. He moved up to my ear and nibbled. I moaned at the sensation. "I'll take that as a yes," James said._

_"Just this once," I said._

_"Of course," James said grinning. He started to nip at my neck and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I felt him lifting my shirt up and lifted my arms for him to help assist it's removal. Once it was gone James leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I gasped shocked at that and he thrust his tongue forward into my mouth and he pressed his tongue against mine. I moaned at that._

_I had never expected to be doing this and with James of all people. I was straight and I just needed to get off. That's all this was. We were just using one another to get off. I knew James was straight as well. I tried to convince myself that this was strictly to get off and there was nothing more to it._

_James moved his lips down to my neck and nipped. I moaned and tilted my head back to give him more access to my neck. James sucked and nibbled as his hands found the hem of my shirt. I felt his hands running over me stomach pushing my shirt up. I lifted my arms as James pulled it off me. He leaned forward and took one of my nipples in his mouth. I moaned as he bit down on it. He brought his hand up to the other to pinch it. I moaned and arched my back slightly._

_"Ja-James," I moaned and threaded my fingers though his hair. James slowly kissed his way down my stomach and to the top of my jeans and stopped what he was doing. I whined._

_"Eager are we?" James asked._

_"The guys could be back any time now," I said, "just get on with it," I pleaded. James smirked and popped the button of my jeans and pulled them down with my underwear, and just like that I was naked while he was fully clothed. Before I could ponder that thought James reached down and grabbed my cock. I moaned and arched my beck my mind going blank as he stroked me. Suddenly his hand stopped but I didn't have time to complain as his mouth closed around my cock. I moaned and arched my back off the bed. The pleasure was so intense. I had never had someone do this to me and be so amazing at it. James had a really talented tongue. "Ja-James I-I-I'm gonna come," I moaned. James only sucked harder and I came. James drank everything I gave him and sat up. He looked at me._

_"I take it you enjoyed that," he said cockily. He knew I enjoyed it. I only nodded though not being able to speak. I looked down and saw James was hard._

_"You-you still need to be taken care of," I panted._

_"I was thinking about that," James said, "there's something I want to try," he said as he pressed his lips to my shoulder._

_"Go ahead," I said knowing what he wanted to do. He wanted to take this further and I was completely ok with that. I wanted more. I don't know why, but I did._

_"Are you sure?" James asked. I nodded my head and spread my legs for James. James stuck his fingers in his mouth and got the wet. I watched his tongue roll over his fingers and I felt myself hardening again._

_I had never thought of a guys as sexy until now. I never even looked at a guys until now and James was perfect. He was gorgeous and perfect. I knew he would be gentle about this. He wouldn't do anything I didn't like. I knew he would be considerate._

_James pulled his fingers from his mouth and brought them down to my hole. He teased his fingers along my hole. I gasped at the sensation. He then slowly pushed a finger into me. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't a great feeling either. I didn't know what to think of it. He slowly pumped his finger in and out and I tried to relax. He then added another finger. It was slightly uncomfortable. He then started to stretch me like this wasn't his first time doing this. I wouldn't put it past James to have done this before. He leaned forward and captured my lips in a kiss in an attempt to distract me. He curled his fingers up and hit my sweet spot. I moaned and bucked my hips down on to his hands._

_"There we go," James said grinning. He picked up the pace with his fingers and added a third. I moaned and writhed below him. All I was feeling was pleasure now. He then pulled his fingers out and I whimpered. "I think you're ready for the next part," he said spitting his hand and lubing himself up. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked up at him as he lined himself up with my entrance._

_"Just go slow," I said looking up at him with pleading eyes. James nodded his head and slowly pushed himself in. It hurt and just like that I lost my virginity. I felt like I was going to be ripped in two. James must've seen the painful look on my face and stopped moving. He gave me time to adjust. After a minute or so I nodded and he pushed himself the rest of the way into me. He waited again and let me adjust._

_"Relax," James whispered in my ear. He reached down and stroked my cock. I moaned at that and James slowly started to thrust in and out. Slowly the pain started to fade away and pleasure took it's place._

_"Faster," I said needing him to move faster. I moaned when he did as I asked. Soon he hit my sweet spot again and I cried out in pleasure. "There," I moaned. James grinned and started to thrust in harder and faster. I felt the familiar feeling I the pit of my stomach. I was close to my release. James seemed to sense this as he grabbed my cock again and he thrust into me harder. "James, I-I'm close," I moaned._

_"Me too," James moaned as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my shoulder. I came covering his fist and my stomach in come. James came shortly after releasing inside me. He pushed himself up and pulled out of me. I felt so empty as he fell on the bed next to me. We didn't say anything after that._

_James was the first to get up. He took a shower and told me to take one as well. I did and when I finished James was sleeping. I walked over to the bed and sat down. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking about what had just happened._

_What did that mean? Was it just a fuck to James? Of course it was, that was all it was. I didn't know what to think. I thought losing your virginity was only important to girls. I wasn't supposed to care, but I did. James would always hold a place my heart now. I placed my head in my hands and fell back onto the bed. That night I slept on top the blankets._

"Carlos," Logan said bringing me from my thoughts. I turned to look at him. He seemed to be thinking something over as he sat down beside me.

"What?" I asked.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, "you've been acting really off these last few days," he said looking at me worriedly. It was then I noticed Kendall was no where around. He and Kendall were usually joined at the hip lately. It was odd not seeing our blonde friend with him. I had grown so used to seem them together lately.

"I'm fine," I lied. I didn't want to tell Logan about my feelings for James or what we did when we were alone. He would only want me to talk to James, but I knew James didn't want to talk to me.

"Carlos you know you can tell me anything," Logan said placing a hand on my shoulder.

"I am fine," I insisted. I really didn't want to talk. I don't know why he couldn't seem to understand that.

"Carlos I just want to help," Logan said. He seemed to be sensing my unwillingness to talk. He was one of the last people I wanted to talk to at the moment. He wouldn't understand what I was going through. He had Kendall. He was happily in love and I wasn't. I was heart broken and he would not understand what I was feeling. He had never had his heart broken like this. He had only dated two people. He ended things with Camille because she kissed James, and he didn't really care about her like that. They were just friends now. The other person he was currently dating was Kendall and They were happy together. I was jealous of them.

"Look Logan, I am touched that you care, but I am fine really," I said.

"You are not," Logan said, "you haven't talked to James in almost a week," he said.

"We had a fight," I said shrugging.

"About what?" Logan asked.

"It's between us," I said looking away from Logan.

"You can tell me anything you know that right," Logan said looking at me. I nodded my head, but this was one thing I couldn't tell him.

"I am gonna go bed," I said. Logan nodded his head and I stood up and left the room.

I stayed awake for hours. I pretended to be sleeping when James returned from his date. He had tried to see if I was awake but I ignored him. I didn't want to talk to him. He was probably going to tell me he only thought of me a friend and the sex was just for fun. After James went to sleep I tried to do the same.

After a while I got hungry and gave up on sleep for now. I got out of bed and quietly left the room. I slowly made my way down the hall to the kitchen. I had to be quiet so no one would hear me. I hadn't been eating very well for the last few days. Ever since James turned me down I lost my appetite. I walked into the kitchen and over to the refrigerator. I started to get things together to make a sandwich. I finished making my sandwich when I heard giggling coming from the hallway.

"Ken, it's after midnight," I heard Logan whisper. I should have known those two would be up. I really hated that they had what I wanted. They were perfect and they unknowingly rubbed it in my face. I never told them that though. I just put on my best smile and fooled the world. I didn't want to be a bother by making them not happy.

"I'm hungry," Kendall whined. I turned my back to the hall as I ate my sandwich, The giggling stopped when they walked into the kitchen. I didn't turn to look at them. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to eat.

"Carlos," Logan said.

"I'm just eating a sandwich," I said. I looked over at them and saw they were both in nothing but a pair of boxers.

"Carlos," Logan said walking over to me, "what's going on?" he asked me.

"Nothing," I said.

"Bull shit," Kendall said, "you haven't talk to anyone in days and James is acting really weird too," he said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said as I stood up and tried to walk back to my room with my food. Kendall and Logan both stopped me. I groaned. I really didn't want to talk right now.

"Carlos Garcia," Logan said, "you are going to talk to us," he said.

"I am not," I said turning around and walking over to the table. I would sit out here and eat and ignore my two best friends.

"What has gotten into you?" Kendall asked walking over to me as I ate. He sat down next to me. I shook my head and looked away form him and Logan. I knew they meant well, but they couldn't help me right now.

"Nothing has gotten into me now just leave me alone," I said. I didn't mean to be so cold to them, but they wouldn't understand. They had no idea what I was going through. They had each other and didn't know what it was like to be rejected by the person they loved the most. They had each other and it made me sick sometimes.

"Carlos," a voice said from behind us. I froze in my place. It was James. I turned around and looked at him. He was the last person I wanted to talk to. "Carlos please can we talk?" James asked.

"Now you want to talk?" I asked standing up and looking at him. "It's a little too late for that James," I said annoyed. He had had his chance and he blew it when he ran away. I didn't want to hear his actual rejection. It would just break my heart even more.

"Carlos please," James said. I looked at him and then to Kendall and Logan who were both looking at us confused. I just shook my head and started to walk away forgetting about my food. I didn't want to do this in front of them. I didn't want them to hear me and James argue.

"I think you made yourself pretty clear the other day," I said to James as I walked past him. I did not want to talk to him. He didn't love me like I loved him and I don't know if I can take hearing that. James grabbed my arm and stopped me from walking away.

"Just listen to me," James pleaded.

"Why?" I asked, "so you can tell me all I am to you is a fuck bud-" I was cut off as I felt his lips on mine. I pushed him off me and looked at him confused. By this point I had almost forgotten about Kendall and Logan who were probably watching us with shocked expressions. I stood there frozen not sure what to do.

"Carlos," James said, "I was scared and overwhelmed," he said looking at me.

"No," I said shaking my head, "you walked away when I put myself out there," I said looking away from him. I didn't want to be pulled in by this. He had turned me down and that's all there was to it. He was James and he could never really make his mind up about anything. He was always changing his mind.

"Carlos," James said again. I shook my head and ran from the kitchen to our room. James followed me. He caught the door before I could shut it on him.

"No," I said shaking my head, "you went out on a date tonight," I said.

"I lied," James said, "I went for a walk to figure things out. I didn't know you felt the same way as me and I got scared that maybe you were paying a joke on me."

"I pull a lot of pranks James, but I never lie about my feelings you know that," I said looking at him. I could see the fear of rejection in his eyes.

"Look Carlos I tried to tell you so many times how I felt, but I could never find the right words. The words never came and it's hard for me to say how I feel," James said looking at me.

"How do you feel then?" I asked not sure if I wanted to know the answer. James looked at me with a desperate look in his eyes.

"I love you," James said stepping forward. He placed a hand on my cheek and I looked into his eyes. I saw no hint of a lie or anything like that. He was being honest.

"Don't lie to me," I said. There was only so much a heart could take and mine was at it's breaking point. I didn't know if I could take much more.

"I would never lie to you," James said. I felt tears coming to my eyes. "Don't cry," he said.

"I'm just happy," I said. I reached up and slapped him across the cheek. "That was for running away from me," I said angrily.

"I deserved that," James said.

"This is for coming back," I said as I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine in a kiss. James groaned softly at that and kissed back. I pulled back and he rested his forehead on mine. "I love you too you idiot," I said.

"Do you think we should explain things to the guys?" James asked.

"In the morning," I said as he kissed him once again. James grinned against my lips and lifted me up and carried me over to his bed.

**Tada! Chapter 3 is up. I know this may seem a big fast but, I have plans for this. This isn't the end. There will be more chapters and more drama. So, review and let me know what you think. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


	4. Chapter 4: Perfect

**I would like to thank,**_ AkireAlev, DeniseDEMD, DestinyArtist, Rena. Robacki, and Brittany _**for taking the extra time to review. **

**Chapter 4: Perfect**

The next morning I woke up in James' embrace. I smiled and looked up at his slumbering face. This was the first time we had woken up like this. I had never woken up in bed with James holding me like this. Before it had always been alone. He never stayed. This was definitely something I could get used to. It was great.

To top it all off we were still naked after everything we had done last night. We had amazing sex and then another round in the shower. It was amazing. I couldn't count how many times we said that we loved one another. I had said it so many times and James would laugh and say it back then kiss me. Hearing him say he loved me was just great. It made me so happy and I wanted to hear it again. Then he's say it first and I'd smile with the same thing in return. Everything was just amazing.

I glanced over at the clock and saw it was almost eight. It was our day off too. Last night had been perfect, but I didn't get much sleep and I don't think James did either. I still felt a little tired, but I knew if we didn't get up soon Mrs. Knight might come and wake us up.

I looked up at James again and smiled brightly. I was just so happy that we were finally together. Maybe we would have a relationship like Kendall and Logan's relationship. That was all I ever really wanted. I wanted love. That was it. I wanted to be able to proudly tell the world I loved someone and that they loved me too. The fact that it was James was just the icing on the cake. This wasn't going to be easy though. Gustavo didn't want Kendall and Logan out publicly beyond the Palm Woods, and he probably would want the same for James and I. I didn't know if I could do that, but we'd cross that bridge when we got there. I just knew that right now I had James finally and everything was perfect. This was all just too perfect for me. I prayed to god that if this was a dream that I never woke up.

I looked at James' face once again. He was sleeping peacefully and had a smile on his face. I reached over and stroked his cheek lightly. He just looked so perfect laying there. He looked almost like an angel sent straight from heaven. It was a little hard to believe that he was all mine. I could lay here forever and just watch him sleep. I didn't want to wake him up yet. I sighed and pressed my face into James' chest. I felt James' arms tighten around me and I looked up at him. I saw him smiling down at me.

"Morning," James said his voice thick with sleep.

"Morning," I said smiling brightly at him. I just couldn't not smile this morning, no matter how hard I tried. I was ecstatic. "This is the first time we've woken up like this," I stated. James seemed thoughtful for a moment before he spoke.

"I know isn't it great?" James asked as he sat up slightly and captured my lips in a sweet mind numbing kiss. We moved our lips together gently for a moment before we parted. James fell back onto the bed. He had a goofy smile on his face. I was sure I had the same smile as well.

"This is just so perfect," I said resting my head on his chest. We laid there for a bit. I was almost lulled back to sleep by the beating of James' heartbeat until we heard movement in the next room.

"Kendall and Logan must be awake," James said looking in the direction of the noise. I nodded my head in agreement. I then remembered our show in front of them last night. They probably would want to know what was going on between me and James. We owed them an explanation. Especially after last night. I knew we had to tell them. They did come out to us first. We hadn't stayed long enough to tell them what was going on. I hoped that they wouldn't be too mad at us.

"I think we owe them an explanation," I said looking up at James.

"I think you're right," he said sighing. "I just don't want to get out of bed," he said. I laughed and reluctantly sat up.

"Come on they told us when they got together and we owe them," I said. James pulled a face but sat up. We both got out of bed and got dressed. I caught James peeking at me a few times. The only reason I caught him peeking was because I was peeking as well. This was new territory for us, and I liked it. It was better than denying our feelings. We had everything laid out in front of us.

After we finished dressing we walked out to the living room. Kendall and Logan were in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. I was a little scared that they'd be mad. I didn't want them to be. I hoped they be happy for us.

"We can do this," James said. I nodded my head. He was right. It's not like they would hate us. They were our best friend and they were dating themselves. They may just be mad that we didn't tell them right away, then again James and I weren't really dating until well last night.

I took a deep breath and together we walked into the kitchen. "Guys," I said getting their attention. They both turned and looked at me and James. We stood there for a moment in silence.

"Why didn't you guys tell us?" Kendall asked before we could say anything, "you know we would've supported you," he added quickly.

"It's true, it's not like we're homophobic," Logan said matter-of-factly. He was right. They'd be hypocrites if they were.

"Look we weren't really dating," James said slowly. I knew he wasn't sure how they would react to this news.

"We only really just realized our feelings for one another," I said. I had been in love with James for months, I don't know how long James had been in love with me.

"When did whatever you two were doing start?" Kendall asked.

"On tour," James said, "in Florida to be exact," he said. I nodded my head at that.

"We're happy for you guys really," Logan said smiling at us. Kendall nodded his head in agreement. I ran over to them both and pulled them into a hug. I was glad they weren't too mad at us. I didn't know if I could handle that right now. I didn't want them bringing me down on such a happy day.

"Thank you guys," I said smiling yet again. I was probably going to be smiling a lot today. I was ok with that though. This was really a happy day for me.

"Your welcome Carlos," they both said laughing. I let them go and together the four of us finished breakfast as Mrs. Knight and Katie walked down the hall. We needed to tell them what had happened. They were like family to us after all. I looked over at James and he nodded his head.

"Mrs. Knight, Katie there's something Carlos and I have to say," James said walking over to her. He had been thinking the same thing as me.

"What?" Mrs. Knight asked looking at James and then to me. I walked over to James and grabbed his hand.

"We're kind of dating," I said, "it happened last night," I added.

"About time," Katie said shaking her head as she sat down at the table in her usual seat. I looked over at her shocked. I knew she was smart, but not that smart. I didn't think she had been picking up on mine and James' feelings for each other.

"Like I told Kendall and Logan I am ok with it," Mrs. Knight said walking over to us and giving us both a hug. "Just keep it to the bedroom and we won't have a problem," she said causing us to blush. She then sat down at the table as well. James and I sat down as well and we enjoyed our breakfast together.

The morning after that went by like usual, except James and I hardly parted. We sat together on the couch and watched TV. When I got up for a snack James was right there with me, with his hands on me in some way. I didn't hate it. It was nice. We stayed together as much as we could and things were just perfect. I was so happy. I finally had what I had been craving for I don't know how long. I finally had the one person I loved and he loved me back.

The afternoon came and we all got bored. Katie had left to go hang out with Tyler a few hours ago. I think something was going on between them. I mean they were fifteen now and Tyler was slimming down. Mrs. Knight had some errands to run so she'd be gone for a few hours. The rest of us were still in the apartment sitting on the couch bored.

"I am so bored," Kendall whined for the umpteenth time. We all were bored, but he seemed to be the most vocal about it.

"Let's go down to the pool," James suggested. I looked at Logan and we both nodded our heads. Kendall was already on his way to his room to get changed causing the rest of us to laugh.

The four of us changed into our bathing suits and headed down to the pool. I was still on cloud nine as we set our stuff down by our pool chairs. Camille and Lucy were down at the pool as well. We walked over to them and talking them into joining us for a game in the pool.

After we spent some time in the pool the six of us decided to just chill and take in some rays. The four of us sat in our usual chairs. Camille and Lucy sat down with us as well and we all started talking about nothing in particular. Everything was perfect. James told Camille and Lucy about us and they were happy for us. They weren't shocked though. Camille had actually seen it coming.

After Camille and Lucy left and we decided to head back to the apartment. Mrs. Knight was there and cooking dinner. It smelled really good. Kendall and Logan walked to their room to change but Mrs. Knight stopped me and James.

"Boys," she said.

"Yes," James said turning around to face her. I did the same. She had a her serious voice and I knew this had to be important.

"You two are going to have tell your parents about you two dating," She said.

"I forgot all about that," I said honestly.

"We'll do that," James said, "maybe we'll invite them out here sometime soon," he said looking at me. I nodded my head. It was probably better to do it in person than over the phone. I knew I wouldn't want to be told big news over the phone, but then again what if my parents weren't happy.

I didn't realize James had dragged us to our room until we were there. I walked over to my dresser and started to change. I was still thinking about my parents though. What if they weren't happy about this. I mean I was their only son and I was gay. They were never going to get a grandchild now. That was all they had talked about before. They always joked about grandkids.

"What if my parents aren't happy about this?" I asked finally voicing my thought aloud. I pulled my shirt of my head and turned to look at James.

"I don't know," James said, "we can only hope for the best," he said walking over to me once he was fully dressed. "let's not let those thoughts ruin our perfect day together," he said. I nodded my head and grabbed a shirt. I put it on and walked over to him. I pecked him on the lips and we left our room together and walked out to the living room. Kendall and Logan were already watching TV.

**Tada! There you go. I hope you all liked this. I would like to say that Carlos is a bit OOC (Out of Character) in this. That is because he kind of has to be for this story. I know I haven't mentioned it, but it's becuase of waht happened with him and James. He had to grow up fast because of that and the hollywood spotlight thrust onto him. This will come into play a bit later on too. There will be more chapters and more drama. So, review and let me know what you think. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


	5. Chapter 5: A Date

**I would like to thank,**_ nigelbtrlover24, Rena. Robacki, and AkireAlev _**for taking the extra time to review. **

**Chapter 5: A Date**

A week later James and I were still happy and we had told Kelly and Gustavo about us dating. They told us what they told Kendall and Logan when they first came out. They didn't want us coming out publicly until our third album was out and we were done with the tour. We understood that they loved BTR as much as we did and they didn't want anything to ruin our chances of a third album.

We hadn't told our parents yet. I was scared about what they would think. They weren't as open minded as Mrs. Knight. She was happy that Kendall was gay and proud of him. I am sure she would join PFFLAG if Kendall didn't threaten to disown her if she did. He didn't want her marching in the streets claiming to have a gay son just yet. Gustavo didn't want people knowing we were gay just yet. I wasn't sure what my parents would say. Being gay had never come up when I was growing up.

Up until recently I had never considered being gay. Sure, I had had a crush on James for awhile now, but I never put much thought into I. I considered it a man crush as Logan had called it when he first realized he liked Kendall. Only thing it wasn't a man crush it was a real crush. Over the months my feelings for James had gotten stronger, and now here we were dating.

I don't know what James thought of telling his parents. I knew Mrs. Diamond was a hard person to read, and James hardly talked to his dad ever since they split up. Sure, after the divorce he visited his dad, but that didn't mean he liked it. His parents were both hard to read. Before the divorce no one had realized Mr. Diamond wasn't happy. I was a little more worried about what Mrs. Diamond would say. Her word was law and what she said happened. She could tell James not to date me and he would. He had dumped his prom date because of her. That was one of my biggest fears right there. I didn't want her to ruin what I had with James.

James and I were sitting down by the pool together. We were sitting in separate chairs because we didn't want people talking. Camille and Lucy were the only two who knew about us and we asked them not to tell anyone. They had agreed like they had with Kendall and Logan.

"I've got a question," I said slowly.

"Yeah," James said.

"What would you do if your mom told you to break up with me?" I asked. James turned to look at me shocked.

"What?"

"You know how your mom is. What if she's not happy with us. Would you break up with me if she told you to?" I asked. James stood up and grabbed my hand. He brought me over to a cabana. He pulled me inside and made me sit down.

"I would never break up with you," he said. He sat down next to me and pulled me into a kiss. I melted into him. His kisses were magic and made me weak. "So I was thinking maybe we could go see a movie tonight," he said after a bit.

"Like a date?" I asked shocked.

"Yes a date," James said laughing at me. James and I had never gone on a date together. This was going to be yet another first for us. We weren't out publicly yet, and that was ok. We would just have to be careful on our date. Sure our friends knew, but they knew to keep quiet about us.

"So a movie?" I asked.

"Maybe dinner if that's ok," James said.

"We can't do dinner," I said, "you know Gustavo and Kelly don't want us out just yet," I added bitterly. I really hated that we couldn't just come out. We had to hide and pretend.

"We can have a private dinner," James said, "or go out for a picnic," he added.

"I like the picnic idea, but would we have time for the movie then?" I asked.

"There is this nice spot in the Palm Woods park that is secluded where we can have a little picnic and then go see a movie," James said. I smiled at him. He had thought this through. He really wanted to do this, and so did I. It would be nice to actually go out with my boyfriend.

"I'd love to," I said.

"Great," James said grinning.

We spent the rest of the afternoon by the pool and eventually made our way up to the apartment. Mrs. Knight was at work so everyone was on their own for dinner. Katie was eating over at Tyler's and Kendall and Logan weren't sure what to do for dinner. That was ok though because James and I weren't going to be there. James and I took this as an opportunity to leave for our date.

James and I prepared a few sandwiches for our date and grabbed a basket and a blanket and left our friends to fend for themselves. James led me into the Palm Woods park and to a secluded spot. He laid the blanket out and sat down. He patted the spot next to him. I smiled and set the basket down. I sat down next to him. James scooted closer to me.

"Is this better than some stuffy restaurant?" James asked me. I nodded my head and grabbed our food out.

We started eating as we talked about nothing in particular. We talked about movies and music. We just talked and had a good time. I felt completely at ease with James and he seemed at complete ease with me. We were just perfect for one another.

"So do you still want to go to that movie?" James asked. I didn't want to leave the park, but we had agree to go to a movie. I slowly nodded my head. We packed our things up and headed to the parking lot and shoved our things into the back of the car and got in. James drove us to the theater.

"So any movie in particular that you want to see?" I asked.

"Not really," James said.

"We'll pick one when we get there," I said. James nodded his head. The ride to the theater was filled with mindless chatter about random things that just came to mind. That was what I liked about James. We could talk about anything together.

We arrived at the theater and James told the ticket girl to surprise us with two tickets for one movie. She printed out two tickets and James paid her. We walked into the theater and James looked at the Tickets.

"Left for Dead," James read the tickets.

"I forgot that came out already. I love zombie movies," I said excitedly. James smiled at me and we made our way to the snack counter and got a large popcorn to share and two sodas. We made our way to the theater and got our seats. James settle the popcorn in his lap and we settled into our seats.

"This is nice," James said. I nodded my head. I wanted to leaned against him and let people know we were on a date, but I couldn't. I promised Gustavo we wouldn't come out yet. It sucked. James hand came down over mine on the armrest for a moment. He squeezed my hand as if he had read my mind.

We watched the rest of the movie. It was gory and a little scary and just over all awesome. I love it and James seemed into it too. Halfway through the movie he placed his hand over mine on the arm rest. I knew it was the closest we could get to PDA for now. It wasn't much, but on the inside I was screaming like a girl. He was holding my hand. I know it seemed a bit childish, but hey it was our first date.

We left the theater and made our way back to the car.

"This was great," I said looking at James.

"I know, it was the perfect date," James said.

"I don't know if I'd say perfect, but it was great," I said laughing. James chuckled and shook his head.

We headed back to the Palm Woods. We arrived and the Lobby was empty as was per Bitters rule. We made our way to the Elevator not wanting to deal with him. Once in the elevator James turned to me and smiled.

"I've wanted to kiss you all night," he said.

"What's stopping you now?" I asked grinning. James leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. I loved his kisses. They were just amazing.

We made our way to the apartment. Kendall and Logan were sitting on the couch together. They were watching a movie. I kicked the door shut behind me and they both jumped and turned towards us.

"You scared the shit out of me," Kendall said placing a hand over his heart.

"What you guys watching?" James asked suppressing a laugh.

"Woman in Black," Logan said. He was better at masking his fright than Kendall.

"Well, we're just gonna go to bed," James said yawning. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to our room. Once we were there he turned to me and pushed me against the wall. I gasped as his lips found my neck. I arched my back against the wall.

"Bed," I panted. James laughed against my neck and shook his head. I was no stranger to doing it against a wall or bathroom stall. James and I had done this countless times before.

**Tada! So this is just a short little happy chapter. I've got more in store for this. There will be lots of Jarlos and maybe a Kogan chapter if I feel like it. Also I want to say I've started a small sequel to my other Jarlos fic Call Me MAybe. It's a part 2 and the Kogan side of things and it'll focus a bit on the Jagan friendship rather than the Kenlos friendship. So, review and let me know what you think. **

**Always **

**OUTOFMYMIND**


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